I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
