He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
NoShamevember. You game?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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