i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
