hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
