if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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