I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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