Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
