dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
