The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
