Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
