Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
