I'm going to jail i love you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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