so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
