but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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