glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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