And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
