Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
