a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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