guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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