Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
