my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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