I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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