yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
