Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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