Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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