If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
