he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
