Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
