I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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