no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
