My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
