Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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