Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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