When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
