Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
