we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
