The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
