I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
