i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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