i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
