she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
