She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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