I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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