Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
