I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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