Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
