i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
