this beer tastes like vomit already
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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