god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
