apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
