I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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