she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
