Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
